Rough

Today was rough.

It started out well enough, with my daily RPM (rise, pee, meditate), but as the day wore on, my heart demanded to be paid attention to.  Emotions and needs I’ve long kept hidden rose up (the meditation process can do that to you in the course of your getting clearer), and I cried my self to sleep as I took a mid-day nap, since I couldn’t do anything productive with my work To Dos anyway.

I woke up clear, though.  And, aimlessly going through my emails while also Facebooking and Twittering, I latched on to Eckhart Tolle’s Present Moment reminders:  “Be Here, Now”.  Accept the Present Moment as it is:  no judgment, no expectations, just acceptance.  Accept the present situation as it is and just see it for what it is:  no judgment, no expectations, no defenses, just acceptance.

Maybe this is precisely what makes it rough:  seeing a significant relationship and person in my life as they really are now, and realizing some illusions that must be finally put to rest.  It’s a sad kind of rough, to have to give up certain illusions.  Because the next thoughts eventually arise:  what next?  what was it all for then?  And that gets really depressing.

But then again, hush, dear heart: “Be Here, Now”.

So, I went back into my room to meditate and just focus on my breathing.  And God was there, as always. Just my God and me, sitting there in the silence, sitting with my pain, and gently comforting me somehow with His/Her quietly loving presence.

That got me through, somehow.

Thank You, Father/Mother God.